Dear FWHP

Darlings, Miss O has had her hands full of late, but she recently managed a foray into "public" to report on dangerous wardrobe malfunctions in the French capital. O the humanity! For your enjoyment a Cordially, Miss O triple-header.


Dear Fetus Wearing Hot Pants,


While I'm certain that everyone on the tram enjoyed the view of your cheeks, that look is better suited to cage dancing on Landsdowne Street/Miami Beach/Ibiza than a 60's cloudy-with-a-chance-of-showers mid-week afternoon in the 14eme arondissement. 


I appreciate that you had a neat pedicure, however that does not lessen the severity of this infraction. 


Cordially, Miss O




Dear Young Woman with VAC,

Most of my readers are familiar with the challenges of VPL (visible panty line), but this is the first time I have had to address VAC (visible ass crack). Thank you for providing this teaching moment.


It's true that Miss O espouses a "It takes a village" philosophy, however repeated exposure to your crack during a brief bus ride was the source of extreme discomfort for your fellow passengers. Perhaps unintentional, but you are old enough to know better. Had you been a fetus, you could have played the clueless card. Alas, my calculations put you in your late 30's...Unacceptable.


A few tips to avoid future violations:
-VAC is the domain of hard-working plumbers. Any encroachments on their territory is frowned upon.
-You may want to rethink the ultra low-rise jeans and invest in a belt.


Cordially, Miss O




Dear American Embryo Summering in Paris,

Daisy Dukes and flip-flops?! in the rain?! in Paris?!


Who told you this was a good look? Did you see it in a magazine? on some "celebrity" tartlet? Give me their name and I will go to their house and spank them with a wire hanger.


Surely you don't think you're going to hoof it up the Eiffel Tower in flip-flops or sully the Louvre (or gasp! Notre Dame) with wet feet that have been barely covered while walking around a big, dirty city. It's not remotely warm outside and you most certainly do not have a fresh pedicure so WTF is with the flip-flops?


Put some clothes on for the love of Lourdes. If you have enough money to travel to Paris, then you have enough money to buy a real pair of shoes and some ladylike weather-appropriate attire.

You may not realize it, but you are an ambassador for the US of A.  For better or worse, an entire nation is being judged based on your behavior, attitude, and appearance while abroad. Please act accordingly.

If you are traveling with your parents and they ok'ed this "ensemble", have them contact me immediately so I can stage an intervention for the whole family. 

Cordially, Miss O