Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Dear GG...

Darlings, I don't judge people by their size or their silhouette (only their f*cknots and posture), but sometimes (often) one's build needs to be taken into account when choosing garments. That being said, I understand that not everyone enjoys getting dressed as much as I do. Sometimes it's a chore.

I certainly don't dress to the nines when I go to sport. In fact, I am so pissed about being there in the first place, that I wear the extremely unimaginative ensemble of shorts, t-shirt, and a ponytail. Shorts: either black or khaki. T-Shirt: either green, blue, or white. All of the above items came from Tar-jay. I am almost totally unrecognizable from my "regular" appearance. I do, however, take it to the limit if I am playing tennis: full Wimbledon Whites from head to toe. Yes, that includes visor, tennis skirt, and Stan Smith Adidas. Why? Respect for the noble sport...and mental intimidation of my opponent.

Look, if people want to get gussied up to sweat with matching wristbands and color-coordinated spandex, God Bless 'em. If they don't, I simply advise/strongly request that they wear something clean that fits. Which brings us to today's CMO.

Dear Geriatric Gentleman in the HotPants,

While I applaud folks of all ages going to sport and maintaining their form, the sight of your  shriveled "coin purse" peeking out of those petite nylon shorts leads me to believe that you need to go up a size. Or get a mirror. You're welcome.

Cordially, Miss O

Miss O, taking it to the limit one more time.

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